When I Walk – When There’s No Miracle Cure
Review by Briege McGarrity
When I Walk is an engaging documentary that chronicles the personal journey of NYC-based filmmaker Jason DaSilva (Lest We Forget, Olivia’s Puzzle) who was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) in 2006. MS is a mysterious and unpredictable disease of the central nervous system that disrupts the flow of information within the brain, and between the brain and body. DaSilvafirst exhibited serious symptoms of the disease while on a family vacation in St. Maarten. Real time footage captures the moment when he went from filming airplanes and joking around to his legs literally buckling beneath him on the beach leaving him unable to get up by himself. Your writer has read of many similar cases such as an air hostess who suddenly couldn’t apply her mascara and the Irish dancer who fell over in the middle of a treble jig – very scary.
DaSilva and his crew handled the material sensitively yet with an upbeat dynamic. The decision to document his new normal and not sugarcoat the illness was therapeutic. Da Silva, an accomplished artist as well as a filmmaker, uses black and white animation to explain how the myelin sheath affects the nerve endings that causes all the damage. Denial and the notion that a high impact fitness routine or spiritual yoga will help to suppress episodic symptoms is understandable and all the more poignant when it becomes apparent that his body is failing him. DaSilva struggles to dress himself, develops blurry vision and relentless tingling sensations in his legs, forcing him to get a walker, a wheelchair and then eventually a scooter to navigate the unique challenges of being disabled in New York City.
There are plenty of touching moments, his pragmatic, adoring mother Marianne who tells him to think of the hardship of other “stuck” people when he feels down and that ultimately “we are all really alone in this world even when we do have support systems.” This panics DaSilva, whose mind races with the constant worry about his health and career and the future. His beloved grandmother “Mama,” a devout catholic, arranges for him to go to Lourdes to pray for a miracle but alas his symptoms only intensify. Leigh, his supportive brother helps keep his filmmaking career on track. A trip to India and the archival pictures of his large Indian family help to contextualize the multi-cultural DaSilva’s inner strength and ancestral roots. Yoga, Trans meditation, Ayurvedic Medicine, all well respected traditional Indian modalities, help him to derive inner peace.
In a much-needed positive development, DaSilva meets a lovely lady called Alice whom he met at a support group. The well-matched pair develop a close bond quickly and exchange vows in a park. The couple display a cute “Just Married” sign on their wedding vehicle, DaSilva’s scooter! Alice is so necessary for DaSilva emotionally, spiritually, physically and creatively as she helps oversee the completion of the doc by editing some of the footage and helping build an informational website (AXS map) to help the disabled to navigate New York City. Further proof that the two are in harmony, as Alice puts it “Jason’s brain and my hands…we’re linking them together.”
Understandably, Alice has her sad moments and candidly expresses her concerns about the future on camera. When it is confirmed that conception is possible, the couple soon announce they are pregnant. In keeping with the challenges of life, poor Alice suffers a miscarriage – it’s a shocking and then depressing moment in the film. The brave couple soldier on and the closing scenes reveal they are with child again.
Overall this is a very inspirational and honest story of affliction, acceptance, humanity and that great things can happen just when you least expect it. DaSilva is a cool, good-natured yet defiant, funny, talented, handsome, positive and very brave man who is coping remarkably well with this unpredictable and untreatable illness. God bless him.
When I Walk will air on PBS, Monday June 23rd at 10pm